Feeling a bit lost, need some outside input

So, I’ve lived my (M33) whole life in the city, and only since november I have moved to an organic agriculture school. I live here, I work the land and do other various tasks for at least 4 hours a day.

Now, after all of these months, I’m feeling a little bit discouraged. We produce enough leafy greens for our own consumption, for example, but the gross of our feeding is bought.

Last summer we did have quite a lot of tomatoes, but that was it. Maybe a little bit of corn, enough for two weeks? We do have bananas all year round so that’s nice.

So, is it feasible to feed yourself off the land in any regard? I’m not even asking for half of our consumption, just a quarter would be nice.

The project I’m being part of is a three and a half hectares (8.5 acres), most of it dedicated to pastures for the cows. It’s been going for 15 years, and it started as a barren land, so in that regard the lushness is unbelievable. We have two big Agroforestry systems that don’t yield a lot of crops but give us plenty bananas, they also have a few frutals in them. And there’s our main garden, here’s a list of vegetables that worked and which didn’t:

Worked: tomatoes, corn, bananas, radish, beans, cucumbers, hot peppers, jamaican hibiscus

They grow, but slow and barely any food: carrots, beetroots, pumpkin, cabbage, mandioca, potato, sweet potato, lettuce

Didn’t work: spinach, aubergine

Also, this winter we had three cows to look after, and the calf died, most probably of malnutrition (one day she couldn’t stand up anymore). Take into account that my mentor took charge of their feeding as winter started, so it’s all on him. (He is in his mid sixties, most of his life a farmer)

So all of this together is making me doubt if I’m learning proper agricultural practices. We rely so much on donations to keep our animals fed, I don’t think we could feed the chickens enough on our own.

Our main source of income comes from buying milk from our neighbors and making and selling cheese. We also make marmalades and sweets, mostly of production of friends, we give them back a small portion and sell the rest (it would spoil otherwise, so everybody wins here).

So… I don’t know… Am I wasting my time? Is it like this mostly out there? I did learn quite a bit these months, but I don’t want to ingrain bad practices in my head. After the calf died I lost so much respect for my mentor, maybe I am being too harsh? Seems a little inhumane to let a cow die of starving. Maybe it wasn’t the lack of food, but the other two cows are sooo skinny right now.

I really want to make my little contribution to making this a greener world, but I’m not becoming a martyr. I’d rather go back to being a leech than play make believe.

If you have a serious project in south america and are accepting volunteers, feel free to reach out.