It feels like the only thing left that could save me.

Lately I’ve been having su***dal thoughts. Losing everything has left me hollow. I wish I had enough money to buy a piece of land, build a small strawbale house, and start a permaculture garden. It feels like the only thing that could save me, the last image of a life that feels peaceful. I can’t afford it though, so I do what I can. I’ve started studying, bought books recommended by off-grid experts, trying to learn everything.

But here’s where I’m stuck: how do people actually start? For those of you who have gone this path, what were your first concrete steps? Did you begin with renting or borrowing land, or did you save until you could buy? How did you make it real when you were starting from nothing?