Today I had my first loss and I feel horrible

Hi all,

for the last year I’ve been fully dedicated to starting a garden with permaculture principles as much as I can. In January I got my first two ever chickens and I was so nervous because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I ended up becoming super attached to them and realized that I loved farm animals as much as I love plants (I’ve had pets before but never chickens, bees, etc.).

After 10 months (2 weeks ago) I decided to expand the chicken family and got the 5 in the picture and I even got more attached because these ones were super approachable, to the point that they would jump on your shoulder and cuddle.

Sadly, last night, two wild dogs ripped through the bamboo cage and killed the five of them. When I arrived this morning to the garden I cried and raged with frustration and the rest of the day I’ve been like a zombie, first digging to bury them and then just day to day work but I feel very very off.

On one hand I want to have more again but I feel weary and like I don’t want to go through this again but I guess it’s part of the process and experience? Does it become more “natural” to you over time?

I remember when watching the “biggest little farm” documentary that they went through many losses and I’m like wtf.. I “only” lost 5 and look at me mopping…

This is not a post searching for solutions, I know what I did wrong, cage should be higher, not just 30cms above floor level and reinforce with some chicken wire and not just bamboo and once we move in (we are still in development), get one or two dogs to protect.

To everyone who has gone through this… you have my admiration and send big hugs from here.